Friday, 24 August 2012

Jimmy Jimmy

“I am getting smaller, look at my wrist, look at my wrist watch. See how loose it is!” Jimmy had always had a thing about his size. It started when at age seven or so the Undertones brought out the song “Jimmy Jimmy” all about “Poor Little Jimmy”. The pop song turned quickly into a sour sing-song playground taunt, an easy hook for fun, for bullies and for anybody in hailing distance to catch onto for cheap laugh and a pointy finger. Poor Little Jimmy. Jimmy however refused to stay little, he grew, he grew to six foot two. A useful height but all the time, sleeping and buried inside, Jimmy was still a little “Little”.

In over thirty years a lot happens but sometimes not very much changes. Jimmy had grown up, got a job, married, kids, divorced, in here, out there, playing the scene, then with time and tiredness curving downwards now, headed over the other side of the mountain where, waiting at the foot was “Little Jimmy”.

So despite their differences when Little Jimmy met big, full size Jimmy, there could only be one outcome. Little Jimmy returned and absorbed full size Jimmy. The memory, the fear, the taunting and the doubts rained down again like yesterday's bad weather. Dark water pouring into each gap, soaking each crack and fissure, returning to be absorbed and re-energized into full size Jimmy, bent on making him little again. It was like a slow acting poison, eating from the inside and now shrinking him, eroding him, melting him away. First his thoughts (easy meat), then his clothes, his house, his job, his car, his friends and family, nothing fitted anymore. Big and little don't ever fit. Funny when you can't seem to fit into your own life anymore, where do you go then?

So here he is now, tiny and alone. A misfit? No big bold font, no capital letters, no uppercase, no inverted commas. There's no need for that, now it all fits, all fits nicely on a small piece of paper. The words that make up the name that describe the pain and the shame, they all fit, neat and tidy and tiny.

So Little Jimmy was here once, I do remember him, but see when that shrinking process begins, once you're on that slippery slope there's not much you can do. He just slipped and shrank and after a while we couldn't even hear his voice, couldn't understand him or know quite what it was that he wanted. It was at that point they came and took him away. It was all straightforward, not much effort needed, no resistance and a small white clinical vehicle was adequate for the task, at least that's what I heard. You never really know do you?

No comments:

Post a Comment