A
grey crazy house filled with monster guitars and Fender Les Pauls,
funk machines and Gibson Stratocasters and Henry Ibsens and just
general shit like that, it was a total drunken nightmare but I wasn't
even drunk at all, young sir. I repeated the phrase several times
until it made no sense. A common form of behaviour I cannot quite
explain.I found that in moments like this that stretching out my grey
matter helped me with my writing and my writhing quite a lot. It was
all pretty random stuff (as I reflected upon it all later). Those
guitars strung out on the walls or every room were really stringing
me along and just plain buggin'. I wanted to pick one up, just to
send out a tune, scrape my finger on the strings and turn up the
amplisander and loudestspeaker type things but sure enough the cables
remained tangled like in a bad dream of entangled situations. Cables
and confusion, all those songs in my head and nowhere to put them,
can you imagine what it's like? Nothing is ever tidy, it's all very
hungry and ragged. It wasn't as if I really liked guitars, it was
more about how I'd been brought up by them, raised by them as if they
were a family of wolves, howling and snapping in a pack. (A good
guitarist would probably tell that's exactly how it is and what they
do. Guitars sniffing you out and then ingratiating themselves in
weird ways so that you have to have them, trap them and then squeeze
the living hell of some kind of sound out of their dumb wooden
bodies). But anyway I was comparing them to wolves or wild animals or
things that have a bit of a mind of their own – even when, as has
happened, they get serious, copied and turn into their own versions
of themselves within the establishment. It's the establishment that
brings everything down, tumbling onto your head, the crown of
creation, glittery things, the snarl of that wolf pack, the howl of
some distant discordant guitar playing away in a bedroom or kitchen,
closed behind a door, noisy but afraid of it's own voice. That sums
it up – afraid of it's own wild voice and there is this huge pile
of words and guitar shapes I've go to work my way through.
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