Friday, 11 May 2012

More on robots

Good advice from our metal friend.

The ten golden laws of robotic diplomacy.

If you ever meet up with a wise robot please choose your words carefully. Conversations with wise mechanical men are notoriously tricky and you ensure you follow the following things that follow the final use of the word follow in this sentence, follow?

Eye contact is good, steely wrist to fleshy neck is not.
Speak clearly, avoid saliva spray, robots dislike excessive human moisture and bodily fluids, (sweaty palms can produce mild electrical shocks).
Don't put on a funny voice.
Don't do a funny 80's dance or adopt a comedy robot gait.
Don't offer up a can of oil as if it was some kind of acceptable beverage.
Just act as normally as you can if you are any kind of slightly ill at ease middle-aged person who's never quite come to terms with the hand of cards that life has dealt you.
Try no to speak in mathematical formulae or binary code.
Most robots consider Japanese to be their mother tongue, learn it.
Don't try to plug any mobile appliances you may be carrying into any of the robot's ports. This can cause serious offence.
Robots aren’t stupid, don't address them as if they are washing machines or other white goods (and why are you talking to washing machines in the first place?).
Gossip about Bender and any of the cast of Futurama is a good icebreaker.
A warm room does soothe the circuits, check out the environment and get the ambiance right first time.
If the robot offers you a snack made up mostly of iron filings then he/she is only having a laugh.
In robot etiquette it is quite acceptable to leave a slightly greasy stain on a chair or carpet.
That's about all I know.

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